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Dating expert shares why “Let him chase you” is not good advice and what to do instead
He gives a pretty straightforward explanation, one that will serve as a great guide for your dating life
Alissa Gaskell
05.03.21

When you talk to your friends about dating,chances are you’ve heard this piece of advice already: “Let him chase you.”

For most women, being pursued is considered a sign of sincerity and perseverance. To a certain extent, it is.

Photo by vjapratama from Pexels
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Photo by vjapratama from Pexels

But let’s not forget to consider the hows. Pursuing isn’t insisting, expecting, or demanding. There should be no entitlement, no assumptions.

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels
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Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom from Pexels

That’s why relationship coach Stephan Labossiere is strongly against this belief.

YouTube Screenshot - Stephan Speaks
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YouTube Screenshot - Stephan Speaks

He puts emphasis on how important it is for both parties to focus on a mutually beneficial relationship. Stephan also gives three reasons why letting a man chase you is actually poor dating advice. You’ll love how much truth there is behind these.

Photo by Josh Hild from Pexels
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Photo by Josh Hild from Pexels

It’s not love, it’s infatuation.

According to the relationship coach, when men are willing to chase, it’s a sign that they’re consumed by the fantasy, hype, and infatuation of the entire scenario. While it’s not always the case (because after all, some men who chase truly are in love and that love is reciprocated eventually), it’s pretty common. The chase is like a template that most men and women believe should be followed. So the next time you expect a man you like to be relentless with the chasing, think again. Wouldn’t you rather have a healthy start, one that involves good conversation and just being your true selves?

You can pour insecurity and toxic energy into the relationship.

Stephan explains,

“If the man has genuine intentions, truly loves you, and you make him chase you, you will increase the chances of that man being insecure with you.”

It does make sense when you think about it. A man who only has eyes for you and has nothing but pure intentions will find ways to show you, day in and day out. So why should you demand for him to chase you, too? Use your best judgment minus the unrealistic expectations and the impossible standards. Simply let things be and watch how they eventually fall into place. The last thing you’d want is to be in a toxic relationship.

When you let him or make him chase you many times he will switch up on you.

Okay, so he gives in to your request and does anything and everything to get you and keep you. He kept up the chase well, put his best foot forward, and showed you and your friends that he was willing to stick with it until the end. Now that he has you (and the approval of those around you?), he expects you to do the same. Now the tables have turned. He did the chasing, so you also have to do your part. That’s right, you now have to continue what he started and do what it takes to keep him around because well, he did the same for you. That’s the very danger of expecting or demanding a chase. And that’s not good for any relationship no matter how well it all seems in the beginning.

Dating isn’t a game anymore. Why waste time with these silly rules instead of just enjoying the process of getting to know someone you’re interested in?

You’ll surely learn a lot from this! Press play for some sound dating advice.

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By Alissa Gaskell
hi@sbly.com
Alissa Gaskell is a contributor at SBLY Media.
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