Here’s the thing about dating advice: sometimes even the experts get it wrong.
Dating is so subjective that one rule can’t possibly apply to every scenario. So even when you hear something that’s “guaranteed” to up your dating game, it’s important to take it with a pinch of salt.
Taking too much advice on board can actually be harmful, and may leave you stuck in a dating rut.
Only you know your situation, so if something doesn’t sit right, don’t follow it.
It’s worth thinking twice if you ever come across the following “words of wisdom”, as they might not be as helpful as you assume…
1. Go with the flow
“It happens when it happens” is the sort of reassuring phrase that’s intended to make someone feel better about their non-existent love life, but it’s certainly not true.
If you spend your whole life going with the flow, just waiting for your ideal partner to accidentally knock into you at a bookstore or buy you a coffee at your local cafe, you’ll probably never end up in a relationship. Life isn’t a rom-com – you have to do to get.
2. Don’t overthink it
This piece of advice is handy… but only to some extent. While you shouldn’t start mentally planning a wedding with a guy you’ve only just started chatting to, dating is something that you should put a lot of thought into.
If you don’t think about what’s happening in a blossoming relationship, you might end up wasting your time with someone who isn’t the right match for you. If you’re having dating problems, see how you can solve them – don’t just push them to the back of your mind.
3. If the spark isn’t there, quit
So many of us expect to feel “the spark” when we first meet a potential match – some sort of nice feeling inside our bellies that tells us instantly that this person is “the one”. But how likely is this to actually happen?
Our bodies don’t always tell the truth (ever had a “gut feeling” and then just realized it was anxiety trying to stop you from having fun?). The reality is, you create the spark. Put in the hard work to create the connection you’re looking for. If it’s reciprocated, you’re onto a winner.
4. Be yourself
Of course, it’s important to be your true self when you’re on a date – but how well do we even know our true selves? If you’re trying too desperately to “be yourself”, you might end up getting so worked up that you’re a bundle of nerves by the time the big night arrives – and then you’re definitely not being yourself.
A solution here is to simply practice being confident. When you’re comfortable and at ease in your own skin, your natural self will shine through.
5. You’ve just not met “the one” yet
Again, this comes back to the notion that we believe there is a person out there who will give us “the spark” – the person who we know instantly is our “soul mate”. If you become too fixated on finding this fantasy partner, you might never notice that your perfect match has been closer than you thought all along.
Instead of looking for the person who will transform your life, look for the simpler things.
Do they make you laugh? Do they share your viewpoints on the things that matter? Do you find them attractive? If they check all three, you might have found “the one” already, whether the “spark” is there or not.
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