One of those tragic, horrible, difficult, yet immutable facts of life is that those pets in our lives that we cherish so much all sooner or later succumb to that final outing; the afterlife. For children, you can only get so far with the whole “Spot went off to a farm”, story before you have to teach your kids to face the music. Losing a pet can be one of the hardest, most acute pains a person can feel.
And dealing with the loss of a pet can leave you with a whole heap of questions.
Here are eight things to try when getting over the loss of a pet. Some of these can even be applicable if you aren’t losing a pet but have to be separated, and some will even help when you need to take the kids through their first major loss.
1.It’s okay to be sad.
A very natural and easy reaction to loss is to try to suppress it, to shut the sad feeling down. It can even be hard to feel like your sadness is validated. Are you allowed to be this sad when it’s just a pet that died, not even a friend or family member? Well, yes you are. The loss of a pet can be devastating, and you shouldn’t for a second feel like you’re not allowed to be sad. Let the pain in, and manage it responsibly like you would any other loss. The last thing you want is to prolong the pain by ignoring it and hoping it will simply go away.
2.There’s no rush on the grieving process.
One things that you absolutely cannot rush is the grieving process. It’s not always enough just to let yourself feel all the pain on the weekend, then pull up your socks for work on Monday and never look back. Quite often, it takes a longer process of slowly getting through the pain. Sorry, that’s probably not what anybody wants to hear, but it’s of vital importance that you don’t try to rush recovery. Just know that it will get better, and have faith that that time will come.
3. Be open to feelings of guilt.
Because we’re responsible for our pets, oftentimes with similar child/parent dynamics, it’s all too easy to beat yourself up over the cause of their loss. It’s natural to look at yourself too harshly when they die and ask yourself what you did wrong. The advice for this may be counter-intuitive, but it’s important to take a reasoned approach to accepting those feelings of guilt. I’m not saying taking all the blame, but if you have any feelings of guilt, it’s important that you don’t suppress them as with other negative feelings. They’ll only come back and keep you hurting in the long run.
4. Get talking.
As with any heartbreak, having a sounding-board if often an essential way to metabolize sadness. Find someone you can talk to without being judged, and let them know what you’re feeling. They don’t even have to say anything back to make you feel better, just having a pair of ears helps a lot.
5. Ceremonies can help.
As silly as it may seem, holding a ceremony is an effective way to say goodbye to your beloved pets. A funeral ceremony can also be a helpful way for your kids to say goodbye to the pets, and possibly even be a “practice-run” for a human loss later on in life.
6. Support is the way.
Just like it’s important for you to feel like your private sadness is valid, it’s important to remember that getting proper support is still appropriate. You shouldn’t feel silly for wanting to see a therapist or counselor for this loss, and they will never judge you for it.
7. Memorialize the pet.
The ancient Egyptians mummified their cats. Now, that’s an extreme level, but there are certainly more accessible and..modern options. There’s saving the ashes in an urn, making a memorial grave, or even framing a significant photo for the mantlepiece. You can hold onto things to remind you of them, so long as you still keep actively processing through your grief.
8. Help your kids deal with the grief.
It’s not just us who feel the pain, but kids too. Oftentimes, if they’re not accustomed to grief, their first time can be particularly hard. Let them talk through it, and listen closely to how they’re feeling. Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it’s normal to feel the way that they do.
Do you have any helpful tips for getting through the loss of a pet?
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