When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified.
Later on, during the second ultrasound appointment, when I found out it was a boy, I was horrified.
I was an only child; I had never grown up around boys. My family is small, and I have one first cousin— also a girl. The male children I had seen in the past were always so rambunctious. They liked wrestling and rough housing, worms, and boogers. By nature, I’m an introvert. I like reading and writing, watching documentaries— not to mention, peace and quiet.
“Heck, I’m not even a fan of action movies— what the Hell am I going to do with a boy?” I wondered.
But then… I had my son.
His name is Phoenix, and he’s two years old, and in these few short years, he’s already taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
I have heard the saying that little girls tend to be in love with their fathers, while little boys adore their moms— and after now having a second son, I think there’s more to that idea than a simple Freudian theory.
Since the beginning, my son and I have had an indescribable bond. And while I don’t have girls to compare it with, I have heard from mothers’ of children of both sexes, that the bond with a son is different, especially as a female.
And I think a lot of that has to do with the inherent responsibility that comes with raising a boy.
Yes, I know. There’s a large responsibility in raising any child— but bear with me for a minute.
Sometimes, I wonder what my two boys will be like as adults, living in the society of the future—and I am freaking terrified!
Every day, I ask myself, “In a society of rape culture and machismo, how will I ever teach my sons to be kind, considerate, and loving men who aren’t afraid to show their emotions and fears? Who aren’t afraid to stand up for what is right? Who won’t fall victim to the many dangers of society?”
I still don’t know the answers those questions— but I do know that I try my best every single day.
I know parents of girls struggle with the same kind of issues too— they’re two sides of the same coin.
While you’re hoping your little Sarah doesn’t become the victim of an abusive boyfriend or sex trafficking ring, I’m hoping that my boys will never turn out to be the kind of people involved in those things.
And for me, that’s a lot of pressure.
Because I know if I manage to do my job correctly, then I’ve also succeeded in protecting your daughter too— a little girl who was just like me at one point.
And that’s important to me too.
I’ve heard that men marry women who remind them of their mothers, and while I don’t know how valid that idea actually is, I like to think there’s at least a bit of truth to it— and that in itself makes me try to be the best kind of woman (and mother) that I can be.
I want my son to find a woman who is kind, and hard-working, and who cares for him like I do.
I want my son to find a woman who hasn’t been taught that men are the gender to be feared— the ones that attack women at night, and prey on little children with bribes of candies and puppies.
I want my son and whoever his future wife is to know that they are our future— and that I’ve done all I can to give them the tools to one day make it better.
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