Losing a loved one creates a big hole in your heart. But during the holiday season, a time of year that’s known for being “joyful” – it can seem even bigger.
When you’re grieving, all of the festivities and traditions that go along with the holidays might be difficult to go through. After all, they can be a sad reminder that the person you’re missing is no longer there to experience them with you.
Some even wish they could skip over the holiday season completely because of the pain it causes.
Not everyone understands what it’s like to mourn around Christmastime. According to the guest contributor at Desiring God, social situations are tough, and one might lose sight of why the season is merry.
- Everyone knows the holidays are supposed to be the best of times. But when you’ve lost a loved one, even the best days can have a cloud of sadness.
- It can be hard to be in social situations when you’re grieving. Having to make small talk and meeting new people are not easy things to go through at this time.
- It can be hard being around extended family. Each person has their own way and timetable of dealing with grief.
- Understanding that it’s OK to cry and not a “problem that has to be fixed. Those tears reflect how much the person meant to them.
- It can be hard to remember why Christmas is a time to be merry.
While it’s a time of year that isn’t easy for those who are grieving – below are tips to help make the holidays a little more bearable.
Practice saying “no.”
You might be used to a string of traditions around the holidays, like participating in your work’s “Secret Santa” gift exchange, or attending Christmas plays. However, it’s okay to break traditions when you’re dealing with grief if they’ll lead to more pain.
Even if others try and convince you to engage in certain activities, it’s okay to tell them “no.” According to an article posted on Experience L!fe, Heather Stang, the author of Mindfulness and Grief, said:
“We can’t make everybody happy, and that’s hard. But the most important thing is to reduce your suffering.”
Develop a plan ahead of time.
The time spent worrying about how difficult an event will be, is sometimes worse than the event itself. As a columnist for Inc. pointed out, a person might spend several weeks dreading a holiday dinner that’s only two-hours long. Instead, come up with a plan for how you’ll get through the season to avoid extra anguish.
One helpful idea is to think of an “escape route” for functions. Plan on driving yourself, or bringing a friend that will stick by your side, and leave anytime you’re ready. Having freedom and not feeling “stuck” can hopefully make an event more enjoyable, and less of something to stress about.
Honor your loved one’s memory with something special.
Find a way to honor the relative you’re missing – whether it be lighting a candle in the evenings, spending time by the fire to think of them, or eating their favorite dishes. Creating a specific activity in their honor might be helpful during the holidays.
Take care of your body first.
In the Experience L!fe article, it says:
“People face higher risk in the year after losing a loved one, Stang explains. That’s partly because of reduced immune functioning due to the stress, and partly because you’re more prone to accidents when exhausted and distracted.”
In order to stay safe and healthy, it’s a good idea to try and get an adequate amount of sleep, movement, and eat nutritious foods.
Perform acts of kindness for others.
Being kind can help boost the soul, whether you’re hurting or not. Consider doing things like volunteering at a soup kitchen, getting presents for children in need, or making festive greeting cards for residents in a nursing home.
Make new holiday traditions.
There’s no saying that everything has to run the same way – just as it might not feel “the same” having your loved one gone. Allow yourself to create some new traditions (or tweak the old ones) if it helps in the season being less painful.
Watch the video below to learn more tips for getting through the holiday season while grieving.
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