Human rights have come a long way for LGBTQ+ couples in the last few decades. But even though marriage is now legal across the United States, there are still a lot of homophobic people out there.
Erik Alexander and his husband Douglas have been married for years and have three adopted children.
They’re a happy couple and committed, loving parents to their beautiful little girls and baby boy.
Most of the time, they deal with the same parenting struggles as everyone else – no sleep, endless messes, the occasional screaming toddler.
But on top of that, they also have to put up with judgements that no straight couple receives.
Alexander wants to provide some perspective for people and shared his experiences on Love What Matters.
He says they’re frequently questioned by ignorant strangers when they’re out in public. Things like “who is the mom?” or “how will you talk to her about girl problems?”
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
He recounts one story of going out for dinner as a family in New Orleans. As soon as they sat down, the table next to them started shooting dirty looks their way.
And while we all know the opinions of others don’t and shouldn’t matter… it’s easier said than done to shrug it off.
βThey were obviously disgusted. I admit, that hurt.β
Of course, this didn’t just start when they had children. Being a gay couple in the South was already difficult and they suffered a lot of judgement not just from strangers, but friends and family too.
But love is love, and nothing was going to stop them from being together.
βI was working at a night club on Bourbon Street and stepped into the back. He sat at a desk filling out a new hire work form. At that moment it was like time stoppedβ¦I still remember what the room smelled like, I even remember what we were wearingβ¦ People often ask me if it was love at first sight. My answer to them is always βabsolutely.ββ
In their early 20s, they went through the same βwild” party phase that most young people do. I mean, they live in New Orleans, where the bars never close and the city never sleeps!
Eventually, they decided to settle down and wanted to start a family.
“It was like something ignited in us and we had a burning desire to make something happen for ourselves.β
Even getting started in their careers had homophobic roadblocks.
Douglas was rejected from all the local universities, and one community college suggested medical school was not the place for “someone like him”.
That didn’t stop “someone like him”. Douglas pursued his dream and went to Loyola University on a full scholarship. He is now a doctor of medicine in a physician residency program.
The couple were married and bought a house in 2015, and were eager to take the next step to become parents.
Adopting as a gay couple is more difficult than for straight couples, and they were warned it could take up to seven years.
But fate had other plans, and after just three and a half weeks, they were able to welcome their first daughter into their lives. Though even that came with some crazy ups and downs.
“She was born at 30 weeks and because of this the original adoptive family backed out of the adoption and left our angel without a family to go home to. Then the birth mom felt that may have been a sign for her to keep the baby. And she did. For 4 days. I was an emotional wreckβ¦On the fourth day the birth mom decided to change her mind. As life would have it we were indeed allowed to adopt our baby girl!β
The newborn had to stay in the NICU for a month, so the couple had little time to prepare. But after some epic trips to target… they were ready.
Alexander and Douglas brought their daughter home just in time for Christmas in 2015.
Then, a year and a half later, they adopted a second beautiful daughter.
Alexander decided to quit his restaurant management role and become a stay-at-home dad. He’s also turned the negative experiences they’ve had into teaching moments, and he now runs a blog about what life is like for their family.
βBeing a family with two dads makes it obvious whenever you walk into places. People often stare. […] They probably have never seen a family like ours before and they are curious. I suppose if we need to be the ones to help teach them then so be it.β
But it never gets easier to have someone look at your family with disgust. His blog, Nola Papa, has been a great way to cope with the hate they’re so used to seeing.
βTo have someone look over with such hatred validates the reasons I started my blog.β
And it’s not just strangers. Alexanderβs own family has been at the heart of some of the coupleβs most hurtful moments.
Their close-mindedness has caused him to completely lose touch with some family members. But his mother has stayed by his side through thick and thin.
Alexander and Douglas know that their love can overcome any hatred directed their way.
βWe live in an incredibly divisive time and right now visibility is critical to help normalize same-sex families. We are the new normal, loving family that teaches our children acceptance of all walks of life and the importance of being kind to one another.β
The pair is more focused on raising strong, respectful children who can help build a world more accepting than the one their fathers have faced.
You can keep up with them by following them on Instagram, or reading Alexander’s blog.
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