People are making a habit out of asking the internet to validate their choices.
AITA stands for, “Am I the a**hole?”
You’ll find the phrase on Reddit posts where people ask whether or not they’ve done the right thing.
Not_a_cat19 wanted to know if she was an asshole for refusing to make her son cut his hair so he could be in her brother’s wedding. Her 15-year-old son was asked to be the “flower dude” in her brother’s wedding.
Sounds progressive, right? But then the bride gets real fascist on him. But this bridezilla let it slither in slowly.
It started with subtle comments like, “So what are we going to do about this hair?” The teen’s hair is thick and curly and he’s been growing it out to meet a certain length.
“A couple weeks ago I texted my brother to let him know that we will groom and style his hair, and use product to tame it – but I was not going to make him cut his hair. At that time, my brother said that was fine. Then he told me his fiancé wants to take my son to her hairdresser for a trial run on his hair style (side note; won’t go into the entire history but I’ve had issues with her need to dictate and control, including one time she told my brother he couldn’t accompany my son to the ER for stitches unless she could go too).”
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So, there was definitely some history and feelings behind this situation. Mom said she would take her son’s hair for a trail run, but it isn’t clear whether or not she agreed to visit the bride’s salon.
Then her brother said his fiancé wanted final approval of her son’s hair.
Mom wasn’t going to cave but was still trying to be accomodating by saying she would make sure he looked nice for their wedding day.
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“About a week and a half prior I spoke with my brother and told him if it would be easier, my son would step aside and we’d just go as guests. At that time my brother said no, we just want to make sure he’s groomed and looks nice with the tux. I took that at face value,” mom said.
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“However, during that next week when I asked for the information re getting my son measured, he didn’t reply for a couple of days, and then said C (his fiancée) would let me know.”
Then came the shame ultimatum telling him that his less conventional hairstyle was indecent.
Indecent enough to exclude him from his own family. Yes, we’re talking about hair which he already agreed to style into a neater more conventional look for the day or forgo being in the wedding party.
“Then a few days ago my stepfather wrote my son, telling him he would not be getting fitted for his tux until his hair was cut. His exact words were ‘no decent haircut, no tuxedo fitting, you will not be in the wedding but seated in the general audience with your family, that is the result of no haircut. Got it???'”
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Then grandma jumped in with her two cents saying that the boy should cut his hair for the “very formal wedding” and that they should have known this was the “rule” from the beginning.
Mom wasn’t going to allow her son to suffer this bullying and stood up for him.
“I finally texted her back and stated had we been told that was a condition of being in the wedding, my son could have declined then – instead he was subjected to several months of passive-aggressive remarks until I finally addressed it,” mom explains.
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At this point, she and her son aren’t even going to the wedding.
“… because to me, kicking family out of a wedding party for refusing to alter his appearance when he has had this hair for years, is ridiculous.”
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“I don’t want to ‘ruin’ my brother’s wedding, and right now it seems like not attending is the best way to avoid additional drama. I’m obviously very close to the situation, and so don’t know if other people (ones I’m not related to) actually do think it’s reasonable to make another person’s child cut their hair.”
Now, we only have one side of this story but based on that account, most people agreed that this mom was most definitely not being an asshole.
It’s called boundaries, standing up for your beliefs, and not changing yourself to please others. She could have just called the stepfather on his bluff and said sure we’ll just be seated in the general audience and leave it at that. However, maybe she felt the need to make a point and stand up for her son who was being bullied instead of being given a choice on whether or not he wanted to be in the wedding without the pressure of being made to feel indecent or difficult. Check out the original post below.
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AITA for refusing to make my son cut his hair to be in my brother’s wedding?
byu/Not_a_cat19 inAmItheAsshole
