The moment you fall pregnant, everyone from your grandma to your next-door neighbor wants to offer advice on raising a kid. But no one ever warns you how testing parenthood can sometimes be.
If you’ve never shouted, “She’s your baby sister, not a pull toy!”, “Stop throwing peas!”, or “No – in the potty, please!”, you definitely haven’t been a parent to a toddler. If, on the other hand, you’re nodding your head and u-huhing gravely, you’re going to love reading these hilarious tweets that somehow manage to describe parenthood perfectly.
You have to wonder why strangers feel the need to question every aspect of our parenting duties. This one pretty much sums it up – why should it be anyone’s business whether you’re wearing a mask while alone with your baby? Great response from this mom.
Little kids don’t care about gender or anything like that, which is, on the whole, pretty cool. What’s
not so cool, however, is when you’re trying to be a respectable parent, and your child does this to you. Cute!
Kids have a knack of highlighting our biggest weaknesses without even meaning to. Like this guy, who was fascinated by his mom’s need for makeup. Yep, she definitely feels a few decades older now.
Ever seen something that made you believe there was an afterlife? This picture should do it for you. He might only be a toddler, but he’s giving off major old man vibes, bless him.
We all have our creative ways to stop the telemarketers from calling us. Of course, we could just hang up every time – but what if you found a way to get onto their “do not call” list? This mom had a genius hack, and we’re so glad we know it now.
Most of us know how it feels to love animals
a little bit more than we love our fellow humans. And, as this Tweet shows, kids show it best. How inconvenient that you’d have to actually speak to someone in order to pet their dog. That definitely shouldn’t be a thing.
We’ve all learned to beware of contamination from children blowing on things – the videos of kids blowing out their birthday candles only to spit up on the cake are pretty commonplace. Still, you can’t be prepared for this sort of thing all the time. And that’s how you end up with a chicken nugget in your coffee.
Children don’t always intend to be geniuses. But you have to admit, while this truly was this 3-year-old’s best replica of the NYC Subway map, it’s actually ironically similar. Just a bunch of colorful squiggles, really.
As adults, women have to face up to the sad truth: nothing we own has pockets. Men’s clothes all seem to have at least three pockets per item, whereas even women’s jeans can sometimes be pocket-less (and how annoying are those fake sewn-in pockets?). Toddler clothes can sometimes be a bit better… but not for this unfortunate little girl.
There are plenty of good things about eating with your family at home. Perhaps the most appealing thing of all is that your kids can behave like animals and you don’t feel morally obliged to intervene. Perhaps quarantine was a good thing, if only for that reason.
The best way to get your kids out of your hair is to engage them in an activity that’ll take a
really long time to complete. Like searching for Easter eggs that don’t exist. Cruel or genius? We think a bit of both.
12. What happens at school?
Every mom knows how it feels to proudly drop your kid off at school. They’re wearing a pristene, neatly ironed school uniform, their hair’s done nice, and they actually look – dare you say it? – smart. Fast-forward less than seven hours, and you’re left wondering why you even bothered with presentation when your kid clearly doesn’t.
There’s a common misconception that when you become an adult, your maturity switch suddenly flicks, and that’s that. But all of us have had to hide sniggers when our kids have unknowingly said something suggestive. That’s something that’ll probably never change.
Kids are known for being pretty frank, and they don’t mean any harm – or that’s what you tell yourself. Like, when this kid compared their mom’s belly to Play-Doh, was that because they had no tact, or because they were making a not-so-subtle hint? Answers on a postcard, please.
Ah, there’s nothing more exciting when you’re a kid than pretending to get married… with your identical sibling. Still, when that’s all that’s available, the ceremony must go on. Plus, unlike every single real-life wedding out there, this one’s actually free.
There are some things that children seem to need clarifying even when they could probably guess the answer (“are we nearly there yet?” is perhaps the most common of them all). You have to wonder whether these three did pretty much know their dad’s answer from a week into him working from home. But, you know, better ask anyway.
You’d hope that if your kid did eventually find out that the tooth fairy wasn’t real, they’d be a bit kinder than this. There you were, going to extreme measures to make sure you could safely conceal a dollar under your little one’s pillow, and for this? Your “monky bisness” is over.
18. School morning reality
Might this be the biggest parenthood struggle of all? We’d be prepared to say yes. It seems like it’s only on a schoolday when your son has lost his tie, your daughter remembers at the last minute that her sports kit needs washing, and the dog pees in the corner of the living room. Even if you got up at midnight to get ready, you’d still be late.
The thing with us adults is that we often feel obliged to do the things we don’t want to do. Drinks with your workmates? Guess so. Attending that charity event your neighbor signed you up for? Looks like it. Perhaps we should all take a leaf out of this little girl’s honesty book.
It doesn’t matter how tired a toddler is – the moment you put them to bed, they’ll suddenly become as alert and awake as if they’d had an energy shot in their dinner. The consequences? You have to listen to their life story before you can turn off the light and escape downstairs.
Once kids get past the toddler age, you have to start seriously questioning whether their “innocent” remarks are actually intentionally sarcastic. Yes, Dad can’t cook, but can’t you have a little faith? Miracles do happen.
As a dad, you’re expected to pass on a few words of wisdom to your kids. While Mom handles the majority of admin stuff, Dad’s left to teach the young’uns how to tie shoelaces and tie a tie. Unless you’re this dad, anyway, and you’ve got a secret trick up your sleeve.
You have to wonder where some kids get their imaginations from. This little girl had particularly exciting thoughts about an Easter-themed tooth fairy reward when she lost her tooth. Here’s hoping the tooth fairy left a chocolate egg under her pillow!
You know you’re getting older when you’re obliged to pay a visit to your kid’s classroom for the parent teacher conference. Were the tables and chairs always this small? And why can’t you just sit in a normal seat to save the embarrassment of your bum hanging off either side?
If you think you can lie to your kids – even the
smallest lie, mind – you’d be wrong. Kids know everything. Even if you think they’re not watching or listening, they are. Don’t try it with them.
Toddlers don’t seem to realize they’re talking half the time – but you best believe us parents do. We can’t even go to the bathroom in peace without a small person following us to update us on something random or pointless. And forget about reading – you won’t even make it past page 1. One your kid starts to do things in their head, it’ll get better, promise.
Okay, this kid knew
exactly what he was saying. Those “spike things” coming out of Mommy’s skin can only be one thing, and they’re definitely not sharp enough to hurt. Ah, the drama.
We’ve heard all sorts of excuses when it comes to waking up for school, but this has to be one of the best yet. Shame our adult logic makes us pretty certain that hair can’t sleep. It’s already dead, right?
When kids wear superhero stuff, they do become a bit of a magnet, mostly for older people and well-meaning restaurant servers/ shop assistants/ pretty much anyone who works in hospitality or entertainment. Most kids enjoy the attention, but not this guy. He’s tired of being so important.
Aww, this is when the naivety of a child is actually really cute. Bless him thinking his daddy’s shop-bought pizza was homemade. Just wait until he actually tries the real thing!
When you’re not a parent, you see kids in public places and think, “
Never, I could never do that.” Then life happens, and you end up with your own kids… and they’re still nowhere near as bad as some of the kids you come across. Thank goodness for good genes.
32. There’s a time and a place
Certain schoolwork-related instructions can be pretty confusing for kids. Yes, creative writing is important, but there’s a limit on creativity? How are you supposed to know what that limit is?
We all know just how costly a child’s obsession can be. The moment they fall in love with a TV character, that’s it – they want their lunch box, jacket, schoolbag, bedsheets, bedroom wallpaper and snack bowls to proudly show off their newfound obsession. So when you have more than one kid, you’d better hope they all end up loving the same thing.
What’s the best way to get your kid to do something? Do it yourself, of course. There’s psychology behind this idea: when you do something, you’ll automatically make people want to do it too, whether they truly care or not. Genius.
This toddler is relatable on
so many levels. She might have had a tough day at school, but she looks exactly like us on Friday evening. You do have to wonder how she’s going to cope with life’s bigger complexities if she’s already responding to drama like this, bless her.
Kids have a habit of obsessing over the weirdest pieces of junk. Spending all that money on the latest tech was a bit pointless, really, when they’d rather play with a bit of plastic. Ah, to be so easily amused.
To an innocent child, the cause of mom’s anger one day could have really been as simple as the shoes she was wearing. Kids aren’t told a lot of things, so when this mom was having a bad day, she probably didn’t share her reasons with her son. Next minute, when she wears the same pair of shoes for a second time, she’s scaring off the household.
Adverts for kids’ toys always give the impression that parent-child playtime is the most entertaining thing in the world. In reality, your kids have a great time, while you’re left wishing there was a way to shrink your brain down just to actually enjoy this torture. Things are a bit simplified with kids, to say the least.
On the subject of simplified games, this kid really knows how have a good time with his mom. At least she doesn’t really have to do much more than supervise. Minimal brainpower required.
Remember a time when kids wanted to be vets or hairdressers? Now they want to be something that didn’t even exist when we were their age: social media influencers. It’s a harder job than it seems, you know.
What is it with children always wanting snacks? You thought your partner only thought about their belly; kids are 10 times worse. If it was up to them, they wouldn’t even eat any meals – they’d just snack on Twinkies and Oreos all day.
Having to comfort your child after a nightmare is a very common parental duty. It can also give you an insight into your child’s imagination, which, as this Tweet proves, can occasionally give you an ego boost. Of all the ways to get killed, assassinations are probably the best of a bad bunch.
Homework really does seem like it’s harder nowadays. No wonder your parents were always conveniently occupied when you asked for help – they didn’t have a clue, either. Who honestly needs to understand fractions, anyway?
Thank goodness children have us parents to look after them, because they really can do the dumbest things. You can’t always intervene before it’s too late, though. Which moves us onto the second way of preventing incidents like this from happening: your child has such a painful experience that they know never to do it again.
When a kid lies, it’s usually pretty obvious. It’s not just the way their face looks – they can also leave traces of activity, like this. They’re trying to say that Mom would have signed in as “PeePeePooPoo714”?
46. Be careful what you warn
Some warnings completely go over a child’s head – and some can even have the opposite effect. What kid wouldn’t want to share their bed with bugs, after all? All the more reason to eat breakfast in bed
every day.
Spellings are tricky, and for some of us, they don’t even get easier when we reach adulthood. So trying to explain to a child why something isn’t spelt a certain way, even though it sounds right, is a bit of a losing battle. What if you sort of agree with them?
If you thought spellings were hard, sentences are a level up. Trying to get an impatient child to actually sit down and write out one sentence is bad enough, let alone five. Every parent knows the struggle.
One of the biggest joys of having a toddler is hearing all the random stuff they come out with. But sometimes, when that stuff is aimed at you, it can get a bit offensive. Thanks for the breast observation – much appreciated.
50. They’re not so bad, really
And finally, although parenthood may not be easy by any means, we can pretty much all agree on one thing: ou own kids are
way better than other adults. We’d much rather hang out with our family than with our friends. Though we might not be so keen to admit that all the time.
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