You’ve been exploring the dating scene for quite a while but certain things still leave you stumped, like what qualities of yours are really attractive to others or what it is men truly look for when they search for the right partner. It’s one thing to cite preferences: someone taller, someone who can cook, someone stable and ambitious, green-eyed brunettes, etc., but it’s another to really understand just what characteristics convinces others that that person is “the one”.
Thankfully, you won’t have to dig deep on your own. EZ Dating Coach Mike Goldstein did some research and summarizes his findings for us curious folks. It took years but he managed to seek the input of over two thousand men over 40 years old. Let’s break it down.
Men want to feel needed.
Cheers to the independent woman who relies on no one to provide for her but let’s not forget the brave, supportive men who willingly step up and take over just because women shouldn’t have to do it all on their own even if they fully can. Yes, women are incredible. Juggling work, motherhood, and more isn’t for the weak yet women can get it all done, all while climbing their way up the corporate ladder looking flawless. As we enumerate all the amazing qualities of women, the dating coach just had to raise this question: Where does that leave your potential guy?
This isn’t at all to invalidate a woman’s capabilities and how well she can survive on her own. It’s simply acknowledging the reality that men do like (and need) to feel needed.
They’ve been conditioned to be strong pillars, providers. You can make men feel needed by simply asking for help (and using that opportunity to put your feet up).
In line with wanting to feel needed, women should also know…
Men need to feel appreciated.
When the right one comes along and sweeps you off your feet, make sure he knows just how much you appreciate having him in your life. Appreciation and gratitude go a long, long way, hence the saying “A person who feels appreciated will always do more than what is expected.” When he cooks you a delicious meal, goes the extra mile to do things for you in order to take a load off your shoulders, don’t hold back on the thank-yous and compliments. Don’t fake the compliments, either! Men just want to know that you see their efforts and that you appreciate them.
Men need to know they’re accepted for who they are.
No one is perfect but no one should have to completely reinvent themselves just to keep someone. What does the dating coach have to say about this? Mike explains,
“Imagine you get to be exactly who you are, and the other person goes, ‘Man! I love this person exactly as they are. They need to feel that.’ And if the man feels that he’s fully accepted, warts and all, he’s going to come towards you like no man has ever come towards you.”
Both of you should work on your imperfections for the sake of compromising and making sure things work out well. It’s a great way to battle each other’s insecurities together, too. Acceptance, reassurance, and patience are key.
Communicate and set clear boundaries.
When you’re always honest about how you feel and when you can openly listen to your partner when he tells you how he feels, you are both establishing clear, healthy boundaries and setting a healthy environment for each other to grow as individuals and as a team.
When something bugs you, let him know. When he lets you know he isn’t comfortable with certain things, hear him out, too.
Of course, this will only work if you’re careful with what you say and how you say it. You can be honest without provoking anger.
Pretty simple, huh? It really just takes time, consistency, and dedication. Basically, men just want to feel needed, appreciated, and accepted, and to know that the relationship has healthy boundaries for both your benefit. Don’t worry about coming across as needy or weak when you ask for help, express sincere gratitude and wonder, and voice out how you feel. Just be honest, work together, and things will fall perfectly into place.
Watch the video to learn more!
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